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Introduction

The Indian Residential School Settlement Agreement (IRSSA) that became an official instrument in June 2007 which has a number of elements. The Common Experience Payment CEP) and the Independent Assessment Process (IAP) provides direct monetary compensation for the Indian Residential School (IRS) survivors, as well as the Truth and Reconciliation Commission (TRC) and Commemoration. It is within the regime, context and the overall delivery of TRC as it moves across the country where many survivors believe they will be provided with the opportunity to share with the rest of Canada their personal IRS experience. It is with this in mind that we wish to identify areas of concern, questions as well as perhaps some assistance on how best to ensue as many survivors as possible participate in the upcoming TRC events.

Preparation

With the full understanding that there never has been any similar type of a compensation settlement agreement such as the IRSSA in the history of Canada, we will attempt to present the many issues in a user friendly format. Further and given that there is/was no set blueprint or pattern on how to translate, implement and fully articulate all of the elements of the IRSSA package is a continuing challenge and how the TRC will eventually apply itself as survivors, families and communities line up to participate. It is with this in mind that we believe there is a need for a process to ensure that the survivor and others are prepared with a firm and comprehensive foundation so that their testimony is heard and recorded as they had intended it to be.

The Survivor

The TRC will be hosting seven national events in locations still to be determined. It will be at these different locations where access will be provided for those IRS survivors who wish to participate in the events where they can share their IRS experiences and history. It is the survivor who we believe will be the premier player in the TRC process and this being so it is of the utmost importance that their testimonies are not only heard in full and proper context but also recorded as such. The challenge is to ensure that those survivors who will be participating in the TRC events to provide their stories are prepared in a way that is non- threatening and as safe and comfortable as possible.

We offer the following suggestions on how a survivor could best prepare themselves prior to the TRC event.

Anger
Most of us who went through the IRS system know there is a vast range of emotions and feelings that surface when we become involved in discussions and events that reconnect us to our IRS experience. It will be how we best deal with these emotions that will have a direct impact on how we share our stories and engage with the TRC. Many of us will be angry and quite emotional and as such have every right to feel this way given what had happened to us in the schools. However, we also have to be aware of the fact that we cannot let our anger to overcome us so much so that it will interfere with our ability to tell our complete story. We have to remember that because of our anger it may cause us to omit some or most important parts of our testimony that perhaps could very well be the only time such incidents and or issues will surface throughout all of the TRC events.

Fear
Similar to the many mixed emotions that we learned or had been forced upon us at the schools many of us have had to always deal with different levels of nagging fear. The root cause of this fear had a number of contributing factors and most were driven home by being punished, peer to peer violence, loneliness and religious fears or sins. The issue we wish to raise here is not to begin a debate on what caused these fears but to ensure that when it comes time for one to participate in a TRC event, the element of fear doesn’t overcome us. We have to remember that there is no longer any reason to be fearful of these childhood fears and no one can or will purposely hurt you at these TRC events.

Shame
Looking back of the years since the IRS legacy became a national concern and issue, the IRS survivors have had to confront and deal with many emotions that have been buried deep within themselves. Many survivors have been reluctant to talk about and share their IRS experiences with family members and others due to feeling ashamed of what may have happened during their stay at a particular school. Many of us have become overwhelmed with shame. Upon looking back at what happened to so many of us, is that our feelings of shame could be traced back to the way many of us were or would be publically embarrassed or demeaned in front of our peers. Shame like the many other emotions that we carry with us from the IRS has caused us great emotional pain that has followed and plagued us for many years and until we look at it and under certain terms it will continue to defeat us. To properly deal with shame we have to understand that many of the things that had caused us shame is that we had no control over as we were just innocent children at the time and were in essence victims. However, because of another emotion (guilt) shame is and still presents many of us emotional problems.

Guilt
Again, guilt like all of the other emotions many of us learned during our stay at the IRS is perhaps the one that has been the root cause for much confusion, emotional, and spiritual pain. Being continually told that our traditional spirituality, culture and languages were pagan and evil in some instances made many of us feel unworthy, and guilty of being “aboriginal”. Mix this aspect of guilt in with the teachings and concepts of the religious teachings. The many variations of “sin” that was forced upon on us as a replacement for our own long history of spiritualism, one can understand how and why many of us still much guilt today in our daily lives. We must also understand that while many of us did return back to our traditional ways of spiritualism there were also many of us who embraced Christianity and continue to practice it today. We have also found that in these modern times many of those survivors who practice either traditional or Christian spirituality are in many cases still meant to feel a sense of guilt for the choice they have made in the way of “religion”. Many of us have found that one of the best ways to deal with “guilt” is to try and separate what happened to us as children. How today we do not have to have feelings of guilt to many of the things that were dumped on us at the time. We have to fully embrace the lost innocence of our youth and bring it back out in our adult lives whenever we have to deal with people or circumstances that make us feel guilty.

Hate
The emotion of hate has perhaps one of the longest and lingering impacts and effects on whoever is harboring or carrying the “hate” with them. Many of us who had been sexually and/or suffered severe physical abuse feel that we have every right to feel hatred for those who abused us. Many of our peers have carried this hate to the grave with them. The Elders have told us that if we are to truly heal and become emotionally healthy that we are to forgive those who have wronged us and along with forgiveness will come emotional freedom. Many of us have found this to be true, as without some form of compassion such as forgiveness we cannot hope to find peace and comfort as we move with our lives. We must also remember that while we may forgive it does not mean in any way that we will forget and this is what we can pass on to the coming generations.

The Family

As we survivors prepare ourselves to participate and perhaps provide testimony at the coming TRC events either at one of the national events or perhaps at one of the regional or local events the inclusion of family will be important. Considering on how the members of our families will react to what they will hear and witness at these TRC events will vary as each of us have shared our IRS experiences with our family in a variety of ways. Many of us have been quite open in our sharing while others have kept their IRS experience very secretive and close. Having said this, we all are aware of what usually happens when survivors begin to share the negative parts of their IRS story. We have seen some quite devastating impacts and results on how some members of their families hear for the first time about how their parents and/or grandparents were treated and what they endured at these schools. The challenge is that like us, our families should also be prepared to deal with the many emotions that they will surface at these TRC events. Many will go through the same range of emotions that we as survivors have had to deal with over the years and many have found that by having someone outside of the family to facilitate a sharing session is perhaps one of the better ways to deal with the situation. Plans are now underway to ensure that there will be help and assistance available at the community level for those families that may wish to have these types of circles prior to attending a TRC event. More news and information on the availability of the family support service will be made public over the coming months. We have to remember that in most cases our families also suffered the same trauma as we did and it should be dealt with in the same manner as we all search for healing and reconciliation.

The Community

The need for the community to support and recognize just how vast and wide the impacts of the IRS have had on the community as a whole is paramount. To feel that the IRS legacy is an isolated issue that only affects those who attend the schools is a mistake made in far too many communities. There is a long history of how these schools were created to destroy our languages and culture. This perhaps one of the most noticeable and lasting impacts that many communities deal with on a daily basis. Many of our communities also feel a sense of collective guilt due to the fact that many of our people cannot speak their original language and have lost some of their culture. Looking at the IRS legacy in this manner will bring a different light to how many of us view the whole IRS experience and the need for the community to support and hopefully participate in the TRC events. We must remember that as we rebuild our communities our goal is healthy people will have healthy families and in turn live in healthy communities.